so clearly, i've lost the urge to write in here. unfortunately. but the good news is: i am happy as hell in new york and don't want to be anywhere else. ever.

Rest in peace, Betty Cox.

3/23/43 - 2/14/08

Not gonna lie, I don't exactly get along with all the seniors in my journalism class. But man, I have to give them props for ( this ). I have been laughing for hours.

For some reason they decided to make my article huge, too. Ok I scanned it poorly but check it out... ( here )

Guys.. I met someone last night. Well, actually, we were reunited.. but I think I'm in love. He's already solved all my problems. I feel like a whole new person. His name is Sleep.

I been doin me some arts on paint. Outta boredom, but I like some of them. Some was inspired by what I was listening to as I drew it.
( View. Please? Feedback. )

Since I've re-become an optimist, life has been great. Yesterday was fun, obviously, and today wasn't half bad either.

Bonus:
*New freshman kid named Ryan from Australia... ;)
*Went to Mom's after school and got my snare stand AND my new sweatshirt.. so rad.
*James and Adam randomly came to "promote" but we ended up just going to Bananas.. Adam left..
*James and I got some pizza and I spotted Logan and Paulina outside so they came in with us
*Fun times then James drove me home.

Every day is a party. No one's home and I'm blasting Modest Mouse and I'm gonna go play drums! So rockin...

Today was so fun but I'm too tired and don't have enough time to do my homework. Haha, how lame.

Review =
*James and Adam came at lunch
*They came again after school and drove with me to downtown SR
*Went to Bananas and listened to their demo
*Adam bailed, James and I went to get coffee
*We sat in Starbucks for about 2 hours just talking
*Moved over to Taqueria Maria and got some nachos. Talked for about another hour about more personal stuff...
*Danielle met up and drove me to the meeting.
*Verge meeting = productive, good.

So glad to see everyone. Finally home. Ahh.... gonna shower and sleep. My mom found my snare stand. All is finally good.

Oh, and one more thing. I'm apologizing to people right now. I'm trying to start over and drop all this shit in the past.
Like Paulina said, it's a new year, and I'm in a new house with a new life ahead of me.
So, if you want an apology, IM me. I know you deserve one from me, and I'm sorry. I promise I will go back to being the optimist that I once was.

So I left Selective Amnesia. I can't explain why. It's over 100% personal, and nobody else can understand it, so I won't even get into it.

I tried my best to do it with no hard feelings, but both other band members are pretty noticeably frustrated with me. I am gonna try my best to fix that, but it will probably be hard.

I just hope they can aknowledge that that is what happens with bands. People come and people go.

I hit over 1500 songs today in the Ipod department.
New bands =
The Faint (thanks Nick)
Dredg
Fugazi
The Coma Lilies (thanks Andy)
Alkaline Trio
Forces of Evil
Second Shot

The L3 was bad because they let in over 600 people and it was so uncomfortably crowded I wanted to shoot myself. But otherwise the bands were good and I of course love seeing a bunch of those kids. I met a couple cool new ones too.

Copy and Paste into a comment, then fill out
Hello my name is_______.
I ________ Lily.
Lily is _______.
Me & Lily are _______.
I wish me and Lily were ______.
I want Lily to know that I __________.
I think Lily should _________.
Lily needs to _________.
I want to ____________ Lily.
Someday Lily will ________.
Lily reminds me of _______.
Without Lily I would _______.
Memories of Lily are ________.
Lily can be __________.
The worst thing about Lily is _________.
The best thing about Lily is _________.
Lily loves _________.
I am ________ with Lily.

Someone fill it out it'd make me happy :)

The Verge show tonight was fun but the music was eh. It was the "punk/hardcore" show. I think ten or eleven bands played, and my favorite was obviously Tera Melos.
Paulina and I went out to dinner with Brendan and Logan (yeah from Days of Contraband) and Brendan's girlfriend Molly. And Alex! And then we just messed around the whole show... Kinda just crazy and long and loud and lots of yelling at people at the back door. But Brendan spent about 20 minutes doing his impersonations of hardcore dancing and hardcore drummers and I was laughing so hard my jaws began to hurt.

Logan and Paulina and I went to Double Rainbow afterwards and met up with Brendan and Molly again... then Logan dropped me at home. The end.

Tomorrow = 2 more shows and one school play. Not bad.

:)

Today fluctuated from bad to good to bad to good to bad. Literally.
Bad:
School sucked, drivers ed sucked, too much.. stuff.
Good:
Adam and James met me outside after school and we hung around and "promoted". Then they drove me all over the universe but I eventually ended up in San Rafael.
Bad:
Realized I have a lot of homework.
Good:
Zach (Mallon) got me the Dismemberment Plan CD for my birthday.. THANK YOU SO MUCH ZACH!!!! THEN I got two emails from Andy and Tony from the Bionic Band.
Bad:
They both informed me that Jimmy won't be coming back until LATER LATER.

FUCKING A.
But we're still GALACTIC PIONEERS...
thank god it's Friday tomorrow I neeeed it.
Gonna go through that little three shows (and one play) in two days routine.

My name is Lily and I am the ugly duckling.

I was gonna go into depth about it but I think that sums it up.

What a shitty day.
Old fashioned easy read journal style:
*Driver's ed starts at 7 AM. I now have EIGHT periods in school. 31 more days of this..
*Wet feet all day.
*Turns out that rumor about a bomb threat at TL yesterday was true. Managed to scare the shit out of me all day.
*All this talk about Frankie and Noe (the two local high school guys who died over break).. upsetting
*Hardly ate anything all day except a thing of coffee which made me feel really weird.
*Went to my mom's after school because she wasn't there. Betty said she would pick me up in a "half hour" which turned out to me waiting for her for over an hour. I became nervous that my mom would come home so I walked back to the front of TL. It was literally 30 or so degrees and I was starving. I kept calling Betty and recieving no answer. I had no idea what to do for like 40 minutes. Does anybody else know that feeling of "everyone's been picked up but me?" Well that's how I felt. And that on top of the cold, hunger, and ALL the emotions gathering together from these past few weeks just built up and I started to cry. Luckily Betty came eventually.
*Now I have a shitload of homework.
*School from 7-3:30 tomorrow. AHhhhhhhhhhhhhh

So instead of sleeping because I need to wake up early for drivers ed, I'm undergoing one of my too-common-lately weird attempts to try to enlighten myself upon Who I Really Am.

Things have been so weird emotionally lately. Believe it or not, although I might just be disregarding it, I feel like my family problems are only a small part of it. The dominant feature of my problem with myself right now is my social life. It just really feels like that's slowly deteriorating. It's not that I don't have friends, boyfriends (or whatever you want to call them), the ability to socialize well, or any of that. It's just, I have very high standards for where I want to be on that level and I am not achieving those standards. And although you all don't want to hear it, or at least don't want to believe it: this all began when Jimmy left.

My friends are all going through a lot. That cannot be denied. But for whatever reason, something odd is just going on with all of them at once.

Personalities are being molded into people I really don't like. James summed a part of it up well with the word "elitist". He nailed it. That's just what's going on. A lot of my best friends are developing a very elitist attitude. There is this constant feeling when we hang out of who is the "winner":

Who's been to the most shows?
Who knows whom?
Who does the most?
Who has the best relationships with other people?
And just generally, who is the best?

I feel like although I HATE when this happens, I have to participate in these little competitions in order to hang onto whatever small amount of self confidence I have. My friends might not even notice it's happening, but it's causing me a great amount of tension. It might even be affecting the way I act outside of being with my friends, such as with my family.

It bothers me that the fun and everything we used to have is being taken over by this little "Elitist Competition" every time we hang out, and it's beginning to make me not only extremely upset, but almost sick. I feel like I am losing my best friends to an ongoing competition that nobody aknowledges is happening.

The sad part is, how do you tell an elitist - who just so happens to be somebody with a LOT of listening issues - that they're doing something wrong?

I should go. I need to get up at 6.

So in a sense my studying paid off. I just checked and I guess I got good grades on my finals for my hard classes and bad grades on my finals in my easy classes.

But that all balances out to me having the exact same grades as I did before. :-P

Paulina and I went to see the Phantom of the Opera today which was pretty good. Shenaynays. We also went for that usual nacho-frappuchino outing which rocked.

I went on another downloading frenzy =
The Roots
The Flaiming Lips + Beck
Mad Caddies
Aquabats
and Minipop

The end.
SCHOOL TOMORROW REE REE REE